Let's Talk About Breastfeeding...

Even before I got pregnant I had plans to breastfeed.  I had read a lot of articles about the benefits to the baby, the myths that it helps drop all of your baby weight, and the stories about the special bond between mother and baby.  I was sold.  Being a science-minded person I also couldn't help but think that it's the most natural thing and it's basically one of the reasons our species is still around... I mean, cavemen didn't have formula.  When the idea of one baby became the reality of two babies cost became a major factor.  I'm also the type of person who likes to take a challenge head on, "Oh, breastfeeding twins is tough? Watch me..."

My "birth plan" (which is a term I use very loosely because I really was at the mercy of the twins and the doctors) was to have a natural deliver and have immediate skin on skin time with the girls.  I had read over and over that this skin to skin contact in the first hour of life makes breastfeeding a million times easier.  I also read that this is a crucial time for mother baby bonding.  I told my "plan" to my doctor, who nodded away like it was all going to work out exactly as I wanted it to.  Hahaha... 31 hours later as I was being wheeled in to the operating room for my C-section I knew skin to skin was no longer an option.  At that point I was so delirious with medications and exhaustion that I no longer knew nor was vocal about what I wanted to happen once the girls arrived.

Because of the c-section, the medications that followed and hospital policy I had to wait an agonizing 8-hours before I could get out of bed and be wheeled to the NICU where the girls had been taken.  My daughters were now 8-hours old and I had yet to hold them which obviously meant they had not had any milk from me.  I am so thankful that I delivered at a hospital that uses donor milk; I signed a waiver before the girls were born stating that I would allow the girls to receive donor milk instead of formula if I weren't able to breastfeed, so they got a few feeds-worth of donor milk before I was able to attempt to breastfeed.

The first time I attempted to breastfeed I felt really silly.  It all seemed so natural in my mind while I was pregnant, but the first time you hold your baby and the lactation nurse wants you to put your breast in your baby's mouth it's like, "Um... you want me to do what??" I think trying to breastfeed in the hospital was the most stressful thing EVER.  The lactation consultant, who didn't seem very knowledgeable anyways, is a complete stranger that gets all up close and personal with your breasts.  On top of that, I was overwhelmed with having two newborns in my life that were MINE and the reality that I had to care for these two tiny little babies.  Plus visitors and nurses that checked in every hour (day AND night) and pain from having your abdomen cut open and lack of sleep... it was very stressful.

For those who aren't familiar with breastfeeding I'll give a quick lesson.  When a woman gets pregnant and her body makes all the hormonal changes, the milk ducts in her breasts will start to work.  They don't produce milk right away but rather a thick, yellow liquid called colostrum.  Most breastfeeding moms call this "liquid gold" because it's extremely nutrient dense and gives the baby important antibodies to help their immune system.  Babies can usually survive the first few days on colostrum alone until the milk comes in.  It can take a few days for a woman's milk to come in, and usually takes longer after a c-section.

I would try to nurse every single chance I got, sometimes they would latch and get something, sometimes they wouldn't.  The first 24-48 hours were a blur... I really don't know how often I nursed, or how often they would fill their bellies from me alone, but I would nurse until they fell asleep and then pump.  I pumped, and pumped and pumped.  If I nursed them I would pump after they finished, if I let the nurses feed donor milk, I pumped and then gave them whatever I pumped for the next feed.  One night Kevin really wanted me to get some sleep, so he told the nurses to feed the girls in the nursery for the next two feeds because he wanted me to get some sleep.  I set the alarm on my phone to go off every three hours and I woke up and pumped (initially Kevin was mad, but once I had established my milk supply he realized why I was so adamant about pumping).

Breastfeeding has one very simple driving force... supply and demand.  If nobody is demanding milk your body doesn't supply it.  If the baby is demanding more milk your body will supply more.  Based on that principle, if the girls were getting donated milk or milk from my last pumping session  I still needed to demand more milk from my body, hence, all the pumping.  It was hard, grueling work to pump that much, but it paid off.  The day after I left the hospital my milk came in.

I wish that were the end of the story, that the moment my milk came in breastfeeding just magically became second nature... but it's not.  The first two months were tough... really tough.  Breastfeeding is exhausting, it takes time and patience, it will wear down your resolve.  I cried more because of breastfeeding in the first month than I did the entire time I was pregnant (and I cried a good amount while I was pregnant, lol).  I had plenty of moments where I would have paid someone to bring me formula in the middle of the night, and I actually tried to swindle deals with my husband a few times.

I have to take a moment to talk about how important a good and supportive partner is.  While I was pregnant I had a lot of conversations with Kevin about breastfeeding.  Would it be weird for him?  Would he support me?  Would he feel left out?  What would be his role if I were the main source of food?  At first I think he was really freaked out that I started off so many conversations about my boobs, but all of those conversations were vital to the success of breastfeeding.  Kevin did his own research, he was supportive and helpful, and in my dark moments when I was ready to quit he always had encouraging words to get me through.  If you're planning to breastfeed, make sure your partner is not only on board, but totally comfortable with it!

Ok, for now... that's all I've got, or at least all I have time to write.  The girls are waking up from their nap and require my undivided (ok, equally divided) attention.  I have so much to write about breastfeeding, so there is plenty more in store!

To any of my friends/readers who want/plan to breastfeed, if you have any questions or need support please don't hesitate to contact me!