Twice as nice... Twice as tough

Even before Kevin and I decided that we were ready to start a family we had already made decisions that prepared us for the day we were going to have a baby.  A year before we moved to Germany we purchased a Jetta TDI; we had low car payments and it is incredibly good on gas mileage.  Part of the decision to get the Jetta was because we needed a new car and part with a baby in mind; babies are expensive, and this car would be a good way to save in the long run.  Also, a carseat could fit in the middle of the backseat, and the trunk was HUGE.  We knew that we were going to start a family while we owned this car.

Skip forward a few years to when I found out we were having twins, one of my first thoughts was, "We have to sell the Jetta".  There was no way two infant carriers were going to fit in that small backseat, we were going to have to get an SUV.  All of a sudden the twin realizations started hitting us one by one...
TWO car seats
TWO cribs
TWO two year olds
TWO college educations
TWO weddings...
Granted, we skipped ahead, there were still a lot of stages before we got to the college tuitions or weddings, but it started to sink in that this wasn't your typical rodeo.

Then we started telling people, and the reactions only magnified our hesitations, worries and excitement.  Some people would get so excited because let's face it, twins are super cute.  Some people (usually those with a newborn or toddler) would get wide-eyed and I could tell they were thinking, "Good luck, hope you survive" or "Better you than me".  And the most bizarre reaction of all, which stupefied me every time was, "Oh my God, I always wanted twins!!"

Umm... what?  You wanted TWO at ONCE?  You wanted your pregnancy to be high risk in every single aspect?  You wanted double the sickness, double the back pain, double the risk, double the worry?  You wanted an almost guaranteed cesarian?  You wanted a delivery with THREE times the number of people watching? (This was obviously my thinking while pregnant, I hand't yet considered what two babies, in person, was going to be like)

Now skip forward to the day they were born... Twice the joy.  I didn't get to meet one new little life that I had created, I got to meet two.  Two beautiful little girls that I had grown and now were out in the world.  I didn't hear just one cry when they came out, I didn't get my finger squeezed by one tiny little hand, and I didn't get to stare at one beautiful little face... all those joyous moments I got to experience twice.  I started to realize that every single wonderful moment that a parent gets to experience and share with their children, I am going to be blessed with two of them... at once.  When they start smiling, I'm going to have two beautiful little smiling faces, and two cooing little babies.  I'm going to get to watch as they learn to interact and play with each other.  Whenever there is a moment that is wonderful, it will be twice as wonderful as a mother of twins.

On the flip side, whenever there is a moment that is tough, painful or stressful... it will be twice as tough, twice as painful and twice as stressful.

This past week girls went through a growth spurt, which means that for 3 days they were cranky and wanted to eat all the time.  Literally... All. The. Time.  I would nurse them for 30 minutes, they'd fall asleep while nursing and between picking them up and laying them down they were awake and hungry again.  At night I was surviving on 1 hour of sleep at any given interval, if they allowed me that much at all.  I was stressed, sleep deprived and ready to throw in the towel.  I kept thinking how much easier it would have been if I just had one baby... only one screaming mouth to feed, only one body to lay in a crib, only one diaper to change.  I wouldn't have to have my crazy set up, because you can nurse one baby without needing much.

All the tough times ahead: the other growth spurts, the teething, the crying fits and fussy babies... will forever be multiplied by two.  Double the spit-up, double the dirty diapers, double the mess.  Two babies that are going to scream their lungs out with immunizations.  A good possibility of two sick babies at once.  Sleepless nights are magnified with twins.  Want to know how I spent my night last night?  Here's a quick rundown:

7 PM: Feed both girls
7:30-9:30 PM: Avery is wide awake, while Reese is asleep.  I try to hold her and interact with her so she'll stay awake, but when Reese wants to sleep, she sleeps.
9:30 PM: Both girls wake up, so I get everything set up in the bedroom and ready for bedtime.
9:30-12 AM: I nurse until they fall asleep, burp them, swaddle them and attempt to lay them down.  Within 5 minutes they cry... Repeat, repeat, repeat.
12 AM: Attempt to sleep (but Reese doesn't want that to happen)
12:15-3 AM: Nurse Reese, burp her, soothe her, swaddle her, sing to her, rock her... Repeat, repeat, repeat.
3AM: Avery starts crying, nurse both girls
3:45 AM: Both girls are quiet and in the crib.
3:45-6AM: Sleep
6AM: Both girls wake up
6-6:45 AM: Nurse both girls
6:45-7:30 AM: Attempt to soothe Reese with a pacifier (which lasts 5 minutes and she cries again)
7:30-9AM: Sleep
9AM: Nurse both girls and up for the day.

Twins are exhausting.

Twins makes the tough times even tougher... but I just have to remind myself that it also makes the sweet times even sweeter.

One Month Old!

Hello, my name is Reese and I like to eat.

The girls had their 4-week checkup today and Reese turned out to be my little chunk-monster.  Reese weighed in today at a whopping 7 pounds 2 ounces!  This girl knows how to eat!  I've been telling Kevin for the last two weeks that Reese is a more aggressive eater than Avery, so it came as no surprise (on top of the fact that I pick them up all day long).  Avery weighed in at 6 pounds 12 ounces, so they're both gaining weight perfectly.

The girls have been doing really well and there aren't any health issues.  We did another carseat fit challenge and they no longer need oxygen while in carseats!  We're now on regular pediatric visits, we don't go in again until their 2-month well-baby check up (they'll also be getting their immunizations, which I personally am not looking forward to).

 Kevin and I have really started to get into a routine (well, obviously me more than him) for taking care of the girls.  Nursing twins is definitely a production, I have quite the setup of pillows and burp cloths.  Obviously by their weights, I'm doing just fine!  I have to take a moment to brag about breastfeeding though, if you're not interested then just skip down to the next section of text.  I've been trying to pump at least once a day, so I can build up a stash of stored, frozen breast milk.  It will give me freedom on the days that I want Kevin to watch the girls so I can go out on my own, or like when my parents visit, Kevin and I can go on a date.  Well, I'm very impressed with myself that in just one months time, in addition to exclusively breastfeeding twins, I have stored up 90 ounces worth of breast milk for the freezer!

The girls have started to have more periods of wakefulness, which is good an expected.  It's amazing to look at them looking at you.  They still have pretty bad eyesight, and it's funny when they're staring at your face and go cross eyed for a minute.  Their eyes are starting to get a little lighter, but the color is blue/grey.  Kevin swears they're going to have blue eyes just like me, but it's far too early to make that call just yet.  The picture above is a wide awake Reese.

Our pictures to show how big they're getting are going to be Kevin and I holding them... we each have a picture holding them while we were in the hospital, and now we have a one month picture!  This is going to be fun when they get a lot bigger!

That's all for this update... my parents are coming to visit in 2 days, and I'm sure there will be LOTS of pictures taken (and hopefully a few little trips) so the next update will be a little more exciting.

The Hypochondriac and the Twins

Most people who knew me before I was pregnant knew I had a mild case of hypochondria.  It wasn't completely unwarranted hypochondria: I was constantly on antibiotics for sinus infections, couldn't breathe without allergy meds and, for quite a few years, couldn't leave the house without my inhaler.  That being said, I had an addiction to WebMD for a while, and if I had a pain or felt ill I would find out from WebMD that it could be a rare genetic mutation, or my kidney was failing, or it was cancer.  (Seriously WebMD, is it ALWAYS cancer?)

I never let my hypochondria go completely rampant, I never went in to the doctor's office and claimed that I was dying of some rare disease, or that a mild case of stomach cramps was in fact the beginnings of Chrone's or something.  I did, however, correctly diagnose the basal cell carcinoma on my temple last year, and now I have a free pass to be overly vigilant about anything "iffy" on my skin.

Anyways, anyone who has ever had those feelings, those worries, knows that it's exhausting to care that much about nothing.  It takes a lot of effort to worry.  Part of the problem is my need to know/control things.  I like being in control, or at least the illusion of control.  So with all health issues, if I can figure out what's causing me to feel bad on my own then I'm obviously in control, and therefore happy.  I think it also has to do with fear of the unknown.  When I had the area on my temple biopsied I did a ton of Wikipedia research (because WebMD would obviously tell me it's cancer) and I actually felt better when I realized it was, in all likelihood, basal cell carcinoma.  From reading, I learned that this specific type of cancer is the type of you want to get (if you have to get skin cancer) because it doesn't spread and is easily removed.  It calmed my nerves knowing that I was 99% sure I had the most benign form of cancer, and once removed, it would be gone completely.

In January of this year, when I found out I was pregnant, I let my hypochondria slip.  I had mentioned to the doctor that I had just tested positive for two clotting disorders, Factor V Leiden mutation and a Protein S Deficiency.  The important thing to note at this point is that I have never had a clot, I was tested because of my mother's history of clotting.  Once the words "clotting disorder" was out of my mouth, I immediately had a prescription for Lovenox in my hand.  Daily injections into my abdomen to prevent blood clots.  I think in the first week it made me feel good, that I was preventing something that could negatively effect my pregnancy, but by week two I was OVER it.

Kevin and I found out at 5 and a half weeks that we were having twins.  It was that day, the moment we saw two sacs, that something short circuited in my brain.  We were trying for one baby, I peed on enough sticks to know we had achieved that, and now this German guy is telling we're having TWO at ONCE.  My need to control was spinning out of control and somehow the hypochondriac gene fell off my radar.  If I couldn't control the number of babies I was having, I obviously had no control over the entire pregnancy.  I mean, the amount of babies a woman has is not usually something you even have to think about!!

So for the remainder of the pregnancy I was amazingly worry-free.  Somehow I no longer worried about having a miscarriage, I didn't worry that my babies were going to be misshapen or disfigured, I didn't even have any genetic testing done because I knew there's nothing I can do about it anyways.  I think the best phrase to describe what happened during the pregnancy is "Let go, and let God".  I had to give up control and just let things happen the way they were meant to happen.  If I had one, or two babies that had Downs Syndrome then that was my lot in life, to take care of two special needs babies. If I were to go into labor extremely early then I was meant to be a NICU mommy.  I managed to change my hypochondria into destiny.

Now that the girls are here I am thankful they cured me of hypochondria.  It would be far too tiring to always worry about if they're breathing, if they're growing, if they're upset about something.  Somehow deep down I know that they will let me know if something is wrong.  We've had a few scares where one of the girls will inhale some spit up, and it's a sound that is nothing like a hunger-cry.  It's a bone chilling scream and forces you up to help.  But a quick suction with the bulb syringe and a few minutes of burping and everything is fine once again.  I think those moments are also necessary for the parents, once I see that she's OK, I have this amazing feeling of, "I can do this"!  These two little girls depend on Kevin and I for everything, it's an immense amount of trust, and every day I feel a little more in control of providing everything they're ever going to need.

Now on to pictures... I took some "professional" newborn pictures of the girls. :)  Here are the ones I have edited, I have a few more that still need editing, but I'm so tired that you'll all just have to wait!

Little Miss Avery 

My Sweet Reese

 Avery on the left, Reese on the right

Avery didn't want her head propped on her hands, but Reese didn't mind 

Models in the making...

12 Days Old

Reese and Avery are almost two weeks old!  My mom left yesterday, so we've been on our own for 24 hours now.  On his way home from taking my mom to the airport Kevin picked up some furniture from Ikea, and we now have a complete bedroom.  Before yesterday our mattress was sitting on the floor, in addition to a broken box spring that sagged in the middle because of our move (Kevin was gracious enough to take that side of the bed).  So we've finally moved in to our own bedroom, and since we moved the co-sleeper in, too, it was the first night the whole family slept together since leaving the hospital.

I have to start out by saying how thankful I am to our friends and family who have helped out.  My mom was a lifesaver, running to the grocery store, cooking dinner and getting the house organized.  After a 3-day stay in the hospital plus more than a day of labor, everything fresh in our kitchen had spoiled.  Had my mom not arrived, I hate to say we would have survived with Kevin making frequent trips to the local fast food joints, which obviously isn't ideal.  We also had great friends, Lindsay and Chris, stop by with a hot meal and two frozen meals that just need to be reheated.  Now that I'm the post-partum phase, I cannot stress enough how amazing a cooked meal is that doesn't require any more work than turning on an oven.  In addition to that, we were mailed a care package from the wonderful Aunt Sharona which consisted of a Honey Baked Ham, roasted turkey, green bean casserole and potatoes augratin.  It's wonderful that at least for another week I don't have to worry about grocery shopping or planning out dinner.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The girls have been doing exactly what newborns do: they sleep, then they cry and eat, then they make a mess of a diaper and go right back to sleep.  For the time being, they're making a messy diaper just about every time they eat, which is every 3 hours.  For a few days Reese would trick me, she'd have a messy diaper, which I would change, and within 60 seconds of putting on a new diaper she'd mess up the new one.  Luckily we haven't had one of those in a few days.  I'm happy to report that I've been nursing them without having to supplement with formula for over a week.  They're having plenty of wet and dirty diapers, and I wouldn't be surprised if they more than gain back their birthweight by the next pediatrician's appointment.  Right now is tough with their feeding schedule, but I'm patiently waiting for the longer stretches between feedings at night... Two four-hour stretches of sleep would be perfect!

I know you're not supposed to count your chickens before they hatch, but we were successful in flipping their cluster feeds to the daytime.  Reese and Avery would wake up about 2am-5am every hour on the hour wanting to nurse for a week straight.  We kept them awake and were actually able to shift it up so now their cluster feeding happens between 5pm-8pm.  Basically anytime they show signs of being hungry in between those hours, they nurse.  No if, ands, buts or binkies.

The girls really are as cute as can possibly be.  I know every parent thinks their children are the most beautiful things, it's natural, and who would say the person they created isn't precious?!  But I honestly can't get over how gorgeous these little girls are!  We've been hearing from family that everyone thinks they're identical, but Kevin and I can tell them apart, easily.  The only problem is keeping it straight in your brain which name you're saying in relation to which child.  I'll be holding Reese, knowing full well that I'm holding Reese, and I'll ask Kevin if he can change Reese's diaper while I'm intending to say Avery.  Everyone with multiple kids has this problem... sometimes you just blurt out whatever name is on the tip of your tongue.  As they get a little older I'm convinced that more people will see the differences that Kevin and I see, but for the meantime, I guess they do look pretty similar (they are twins, after all).

Gracie has been doing very well adjusting to the new members of the family.  She's a little attention deprived, but Kevin's been trying extra hard to make up for it.  She is staying true to her breed, and has already become protective of the girls.  One little wimper, a hiccup, or sneeze and Gracie has to find out what the issue is.  She's very gentle around them and while I'm nursing them will come up and stiff the tops of their heads.  Eventually, when the girls are older, she'll have two playmates that are going to drive her nuts!

I've been doing really well since leaving the hospital, I actually forget at times that I had "major surgery".  While in the hospital I will admit that I was a little depressed how large my tummy still was, I probably looked like I did at the 7-month pregnant mark.  Delivering almost 11 pounds of baby, I was expecting a more prominent difference than what I was seeing in the mirror.  I had some issues with swelling in my ankles, too, which is totally normal post-partum.  My toes were plump little Vienna Sausages, I actually had creases on my ankles, and it was very uncomfortable.  The top of my foot would jiggle when I walked and I joked that my cankles had cankles.  Now almost two weeks post-partum I'm really impressed with the results.  I probably look about 5-months pregnant now (I'll take any improvement I can) and my feet are completely back to normal.  I'll take a picture eventually, but for now we'll just stick with pictures of the girls...

Avery with her eyes open and sleepy Reese behind her 

Grandma holding her "Twincess" granddaughters

Once again, wide eyed Avery and sleepy Reese 

 Reese doesn't know why she's awake, but Avery is asleep and happy

 Avery's not so sure about bathtime

 Reese wasn't too happy about it, either

They both fell asleep quickly once their bath was over!

Momma-bear Gracie gently checkin in on the girls

The Birth Story

It all started on Saturday afternoon... I was 35 weeks and 2 days pregnant and Kevin and I were out running around getting the last few things for the nursery.  After a waddle around Hobby Lobby and Lowe's Kevin quickly realized my back was hurting and I needed to get home, so off we went.  On our way home we decided to get some food, which of course started the biggest battle in any relationship, "I don't know, what do you want to eat? No, I don't want that."  Well, after about 15 suggestions I finally told Kevin that he needed to go wherever he wanted, because I wasn't very hungry and I was getting tired.  He ended up stopping at KFC, and while in the drive through asked what I wanted.  The strangest request left my lips, "Ice".  That's all I wanted, just a big 'ole cup of ice.  I was so content the whole way home just chomping down big chunks of ice, not thinking twice of all the stories I had read about women in labor craving ice.

Once home I had one last load of laundry for the girls to complete, so I got up so I could unload the dryer and start folding and putting away their clothes (nesting was in FULL swing at this point).  Once I had the laundry basket full of clothes I stood up and felt what I never thought I'd actually feel, my water broke.  It took a few minutes to register, but sure enough, this was it!  I called out to Kevin that my water broke and he went into Daddy-mode.  Immediately, he started putting our go-bags in the car, grabbing pillows and getting things together; his mental checklist was screaming!  I, however, was weirdly calm, possibly in denial.  A few days earlier I thought my water had broken, which resulted in an embarrassing trip to the L&D unit in which I was told I had just peed myself... oh the joys of pregnancy!  I decided I wanted to take a shower before we left for the hospital, I had read enough to know I had some time before I was in active labor and also knew it might be a few days before I got a chance to shower again.  Boy, am I thankful I took those few extra minutes to shower!  Showered and ready, we headed to Evans Army Hospital around 8:30 pm.

Kevin was so excited that the second we got to the gate he blurted out to the guard that I was in labor, and he was about to be a dad!  We parked in the ER section and Kevin rushed in to get a wheel chair while I slowly waddled in.  

Up in L&D they were already prepared for me because Kevin had called ahead to let them know we were coming.  It's amazing how prepared everyone was, within 5 minutes of being wheeled into L&D I was hooked up to an IV, meds were ordered and an ambulance had been called (Evans doesn't have a NICU so anyone in labor under 36 weeks is automatically transferred to Memorial Hospital).  Not the most flattering picture, but it's so wonderful that we have just about everything documented!  This is me getting monitored at Evans while waiting for all the paperwork for my transfer to Memorial.

My first ambulance ride (lights AND sirens!) was because of something good, not something scary.  I actually had pretty funny conversations with the medics on the way.  I started feeling contractions while in the ambulance, so I had to alert everyone from then on whenever I felt a contraction start and end.  Once at Memorial I was hooked up to monitors and the waiting began.  The first nurse at Memorial was such a sweet woman, Joy, who made my initial experience really pleasant.  Contractions started increasing in intensity and frequency, just like they should.  Contractions were unpleasant, Kevin would always make comments based on the faces I was making, whether it was a good one or a bad one.  About 3am I started to get the shakes.  I was handling the contractions pretty well, but once the shakes started I was really uncomfortable.  The nurse informed me that they wanted to start Pitocin, the medication that basically forces my body to more active labor.  At this point I was only 2 cm dilated and there wasn't much progress from hour to hour.  Between the shakes and starting Pitocin, I decided I wanted the epidural.

Once the epidural was placed, I was able to get some sleep and wait for the medications to do their jobs.  We slept, we called family, I ate chicken broth.  Waiting for active labor to start was agonizing, every few hours the nurses would check, and I would be disappointed to find out that I had only progressed maybe 1cm.  Hours passed, we moved on to the 26th, and kept on waiting.  The OB on call that weekend was Dr Alanis (I still remember a conversation while in the OR about how to spell his last name, he replied "like Alanis Morrisette", to which the tech responded that he absent-mindedly wrote "Morrisette" instead of "Alanis").  He was a wonderful Doctor, really tried to do everything in his power to make a vaginal delivery possible.  Both girls had been head down since 21-weeks and everything appeared to be in the perfect situation for a vaginal delivery.  Unfortunately, my body just wasn't responding to the Pitocin and I couldn't get past 6cm.  After 31 hours of labor, through some tears and coaxing, I finally decided to go ahead with the C-section.  We had literally done everything we could to progress the labor, and it was time to call it quits.

At some point I would love to have Kevin write his own version of what happened in the OR, because I was pretty out of it.  This is how I remember things happening...  They wheeled my into the OR within 10 minutes of making the decision to do the C-sec.  I was tired, I had dry mouth, and the shakes had returned.  They had to give me more medications to fully numb my lower half, which dropped my blood pressure a little and caused a lot of nausea.  I actually threw up on the table, which was TONS of fun to do while shaking uncontrollably and in front of the 12 people in the OR.

Kevin finally was allowed into the OR, and it was very calming to see him.  He stayed by my head and kept trying to relax me.  Between the hormones, anxiety, fear and medications, I was probably the worst C-sec patient this poor Dr had ever dealt with.  I was fighting the restraints because of the shakes, I had dry mouth and demanded a wet washcloth to at least wet my mouth, and I continued to dry heave (which has to be tough while they were performing major surgery on my abdomen).  There was so much going on, but it only took a few minutes before I heard the most wonderful sound I had ever heard.  All the shakes, all the fear, all discomfort disappeared when I heard my daughter crying for the first time and I immediately started sobbing.  Kevin left my side to cut the cord and take pictures, and then it was on to the second baby... again, her crying was the most amazing sound I'd ever heard.

Because they were preemies, the nurses took their time to check their APGAR scores, which were 8 and 9!  Kevin brought Baby A over to show me, and we both knew instantaneously, this was Reese.  I remember thinking to myself that Kevin was showing me a doll, not a real baby, she was just so beautiful.  I kissed her head, cried some more and waited for Baby B to be brought over.  We had a few names picked out for Baby B, and Kev and I were on very different pages about what her name should be.  When he brought her over, I asked what he thought she looked like, and he said ever-so-gently, "She just looks like an Avery".  And there we had it, our daughters, Reese and Avery, born healthy and screaming at 1:28am and 1:29am on August 27th.

 Reese McCarty Landers, 5 lbs 6 oz, 17 inches long

 Avery Hart Landers, 5 lbs 4 oz, 17 inches long

 Meeting my beautiful little Reese

Meeting my beautiful little Avery

The girls were taken to the NICU, which was standard for a 35 week preemie.  We were told it was precautionary, not emergent.  The doctors told Kevin they were headed up so he could follow along, and this is one of the biggest reasons I love my husband, he told the doctors that since the babies were healthy and fine he wanted to stay with me until he knew I would be ok.  Like I said, I was the worst C-sec patient ever.  I was crying, throwing up, shaking and miserable and Kevin was worried about me.  He followed me to the recovery room and stayed with me until they were able to get me stable.  Once I passed out from the medications Kevin went up to the NICU to see the girls.  This will forever be the one thing I hated about the delivery, I had to wait an excruciating 8 hours until I could hold them.

 Reese

 Avery

A very proud daddy holding his two little girls

I was wheeled up to the Mother&Baby unit at about 4am where they gave me some pain meds and Kevin was finally able to get some sleep.  I had to wait until 9am to try and get out of bed, and you'd better believe at 9am sharp I called the nurses in to help me stand up!  I had TWO driving reasons to get out of bed, and I was in the NICU as early as the doctors would let me.  I was able to hold Reese first, she was just finished getting bathed, and they still had to check up on Avery.  Holding her was amazing, she was so fragile, so pretty, and all mine.  I actually got to feed Avery (we opted for donated breast milk until I attempted breastfeeding) and it made my heart melt!

Holding Reese for the first time!

I'm proud to say that I only made one trip to the NICU, not because I'm a horrible mom who didn't want to visit her babies, but because her babies were so amazing that they were released from NICU after only 12 hours.  The next time I saw my girls was when they wheeled them into my room!  

The next few days in the hospital literally flew by.  The girls had to eat every 3 hours, doctor's orders because of their size, so more often than not they were wheeled into my room so I could breastfeed.  A few nights we just let the nursery feed them so I could get a few extra hours of sleep, but for the most part they stayed with us.  Kevin and I took laps around the Mother&Baby unit, to help my recovery and swelling.  It never got old to see the other new parents, overwhelmed already by their own babies, react to seeing Kevin and I wheel around one baby a piece!  The nurses in the Mother&Baby unit were so in love with our girls, and they were so excited because they rarely get twins, usually they stay in the NICU.  Everyone at Memorial was wonderful, all the nurses who helped us and cared for our girls were sweet and caring.  

 My sweet little girls in the nursery.  The blankets and hats are donated, and so cute!

 Reese

 Avery

 Holding the whole world...

Daddy got some snuggle time while we were in the hospital

On the day we were getting discharged we had one minor hiccup.  As required for their size, both girls had to have a carseat fit test.  They put both babies in their carseats (ours are rated for 4 lbs and up) and monitor their oxygen for 1 hour.  Unfortunately, their little bodies just couldn't hold them up straight enough to keep them getting enough oxygen.  I never got the feeling it was a life or death situation (after all, they were still releasing us) so I didn't get too worried.  We left the hospital with some oxygen tanks and the little cannula's in their noses.

I have to admit, leaving the hospital was terrifying.  I started crying as we pulled out of the parking lot, knowing full and well that now Kevin and I were responsible, on our own, for these two little babies.  My whole perception of the world shifted the moment they were born and now the sun was too bright, the other cars were too close, and the speed limit on the interstate was way too fast.

Once home, the fun began.  Kevin and I keep track of everything in a notebook, feedings and diaper changes.  The tricky thing with twins, is that we have to keep track of who's doing what and when.  Sure, we had a poopy diaper after the 2am feeding, but who's was it?  And because I'm breastfeeding I have to keep track of which side each of them feeds on, and for how long!  I knew to expect lots of diapers and bottles and spit up, but I never anticipated that my notebook would be such a vital tool.

Right now the girls are doing amazing.  They're still feeding every three hours, sometimes more often if they let us know they're hungry.  They're having wet and poopy diapers at almost every feeding (which is important because it lets me know they're eating enough).  We're using disposable diapers for the time being, they're just not big enough for the cloth diapers yet, so until they gain a pound or two we'll be using preemie disposables.  I will say, these first few days makes me realize just how pricey diapering with disposables can be... Reese can go through 3 diapers in one feeding!

I'm currently breastfeeding both of them, and since we got home from the hospital, have only had to supplement them with formula a few times.  I am really proud of myself, because the first day home, when they were 4 days old I attempted to tandem feed for the first time.  Not only did they both latch, they both ate for 20 minutes and fell asleep soundly afterwards.  It's a very satisfying feeling knowing that I'm providing enough milk to fill their little bellies and help them grown.  I joked with Kevin that I'm good at growin' babies and feedin' babies, it's the birthin' part I'm not so good at.

Right now the girls are officially one week old.  My mother came out to visit and help, and she has been an absolute life saver!  For any of my friends that are too proud to accept help as a new parent, my best advice is to SUCK IT UP!  Not only will you actually need the help, you'll want it, and a mother is a great help because she's a sounding board (and she gives out compliments freely).  Hearing that you're a "natural" only makes you feel more confident in your own abilities.  The other benefit is that other people will love your babies, too... so let them!  It warms my heart every time I see my mother fawning over my little girls.  I makes me realize that she loved me the same way I love them, and the cycle will only continue... someday I'll love the children that my little girls have.

 My wonderful family

 Grandma holding her granddaughters

Avery on the right and Reese on the left