Even before Kevin and I decided that we were ready to start a family we had already made decisions that prepared us for the day we were going to have a baby. A year before we moved to Germany we purchased a Jetta TDI; we had low car payments and it is incredibly good on gas mileage. Part of the decision to get the Jetta was because we needed a new car and part with a baby in mind; babies are expensive, and this car would be a good way to save in the long run. Also, a carseat could fit in the middle of the backseat, and the trunk was HUGE. We knew that we were going to start a family while we owned this car.
Skip forward a few years to when I found out we were having twins, one of my first thoughts was, "We have to sell the Jetta". There was no way two infant carriers were going to fit in that small backseat, we were going to have to get an SUV. All of a sudden the twin realizations started hitting us one by one...
TWO car seats
TWO cribs
TWO two year olds
TWO college educations
TWO weddings...
Granted, we skipped ahead, there were still a lot of stages before we got to the college tuitions or weddings, but it started to sink in that this wasn't your typical rodeo.
Then we started telling people, and the reactions only magnified our hesitations, worries and excitement. Some people would get so excited because let's face it, twins are super cute. Some people (usually those with a newborn or toddler) would get wide-eyed and I could tell they were thinking, "Good luck, hope you survive" or "Better you than me". And the most bizarre reaction of all, which stupefied me every time was, "Oh my God, I always wanted twins!!"
Umm... what? You wanted TWO at ONCE? You wanted your pregnancy to be high risk in every single aspect? You wanted double the sickness, double the back pain, double the risk, double the worry? You wanted an almost guaranteed cesarian? You wanted a delivery with THREE times the number of people watching? (This was obviously my thinking while pregnant, I hand't yet considered what two babies, in person, was going to be like)
Now skip forward to the day they were born... Twice the joy. I didn't get to meet one new little life that I had created, I got to meet two. Two beautiful little girls that I had grown and now were out in the world. I didn't hear just one cry when they came out, I didn't get my finger squeezed by one tiny little hand, and I didn't get to stare at one beautiful little face... all those joyous moments I got to experience twice. I started to realize that every single wonderful moment that a parent gets to experience and share with their children, I am going to be blessed with two of them... at once. When they start smiling, I'm going to have two beautiful little smiling faces, and two cooing little babies. I'm going to get to watch as they learn to interact and play with each other. Whenever there is a moment that is wonderful, it will be twice as wonderful as a mother of twins.
On the flip side, whenever there is a moment that is tough, painful or stressful... it will be twice as tough, twice as painful and twice as stressful.
This past week girls went through a growth spurt, which means that for 3 days they were cranky and wanted to eat all the time. Literally... All. The. Time. I would nurse them for 30 minutes, they'd fall asleep while nursing and between picking them up and laying them down they were awake and hungry again. At night I was surviving on 1 hour of sleep at any given interval, if they allowed me that much at all. I was stressed, sleep deprived and ready to throw in the towel. I kept thinking how much easier it would have been if I just had one baby... only one screaming mouth to feed, only one body to lay in a crib, only one diaper to change. I wouldn't have to have my crazy set up, because you can nurse one baby without needing much.
All the tough times ahead: the other growth spurts, the teething, the crying fits and fussy babies... will forever be multiplied by two. Double the spit-up, double the dirty diapers, double the mess. Two babies that are going to scream their lungs out with immunizations. A good possibility of two sick babies at once. Sleepless nights are magnified with twins. Want to know how I spent my night last night? Here's a quick rundown:
7 PM: Feed both girls
7:30-9:30 PM: Avery is wide awake, while Reese is asleep. I try to hold her and interact with her so she'll stay awake, but when Reese wants to sleep, she sleeps.
9:30 PM: Both girls wake up, so I get everything set up in the bedroom and ready for bedtime.
9:30-12 AM: I nurse until they fall asleep, burp them, swaddle them and attempt to lay them down. Within 5 minutes they cry... Repeat, repeat, repeat.
12 AM: Attempt to sleep (but Reese doesn't want that to happen)
12:15-3 AM: Nurse Reese, burp her, soothe her, swaddle her, sing to her, rock her... Repeat, repeat, repeat.
3AM: Avery starts crying, nurse both girls
3:45 AM: Both girls are quiet and in the crib.
3:45-6AM: Sleep
6AM: Both girls wake up
6-6:45 AM: Nurse both girls
6:45-7:30 AM: Attempt to soothe Reese with a pacifier (which lasts 5 minutes and she cries again)
7:30-9AM: Sleep
9AM: Nurse both girls and up for the day.
Twins are exhausting.
Twins makes the tough times even tougher... but I just have to remind myself that it also makes the sweet times even sweeter.
Skip forward a few years to when I found out we were having twins, one of my first thoughts was, "We have to sell the Jetta". There was no way two infant carriers were going to fit in that small backseat, we were going to have to get an SUV. All of a sudden the twin realizations started hitting us one by one...
TWO car seats
TWO cribs
TWO two year olds
TWO college educations
TWO weddings...
Granted, we skipped ahead, there were still a lot of stages before we got to the college tuitions or weddings, but it started to sink in that this wasn't your typical rodeo.
Then we started telling people, and the reactions only magnified our hesitations, worries and excitement. Some people would get so excited because let's face it, twins are super cute. Some people (usually those with a newborn or toddler) would get wide-eyed and I could tell they were thinking, "Good luck, hope you survive" or "Better you than me". And the most bizarre reaction of all, which stupefied me every time was, "Oh my God, I always wanted twins!!"
Umm... what? You wanted TWO at ONCE? You wanted your pregnancy to be high risk in every single aspect? You wanted double the sickness, double the back pain, double the risk, double the worry? You wanted an almost guaranteed cesarian? You wanted a delivery with THREE times the number of people watching? (This was obviously my thinking while pregnant, I hand't yet considered what two babies, in person, was going to be like)
Now skip forward to the day they were born... Twice the joy. I didn't get to meet one new little life that I had created, I got to meet two. Two beautiful little girls that I had grown and now were out in the world. I didn't hear just one cry when they came out, I didn't get my finger squeezed by one tiny little hand, and I didn't get to stare at one beautiful little face... all those joyous moments I got to experience twice. I started to realize that every single wonderful moment that a parent gets to experience and share with their children, I am going to be blessed with two of them... at once. When they start smiling, I'm going to have two beautiful little smiling faces, and two cooing little babies. I'm going to get to watch as they learn to interact and play with each other. Whenever there is a moment that is wonderful, it will be twice as wonderful as a mother of twins.
On the flip side, whenever there is a moment that is tough, painful or stressful... it will be twice as tough, twice as painful and twice as stressful.
This past week girls went through a growth spurt, which means that for 3 days they were cranky and wanted to eat all the time. Literally... All. The. Time. I would nurse them for 30 minutes, they'd fall asleep while nursing and between picking them up and laying them down they were awake and hungry again. At night I was surviving on 1 hour of sleep at any given interval, if they allowed me that much at all. I was stressed, sleep deprived and ready to throw in the towel. I kept thinking how much easier it would have been if I just had one baby... only one screaming mouth to feed, only one body to lay in a crib, only one diaper to change. I wouldn't have to have my crazy set up, because you can nurse one baby without needing much.
All the tough times ahead: the other growth spurts, the teething, the crying fits and fussy babies... will forever be multiplied by two. Double the spit-up, double the dirty diapers, double the mess. Two babies that are going to scream their lungs out with immunizations. A good possibility of two sick babies at once. Sleepless nights are magnified with twins. Want to know how I spent my night last night? Here's a quick rundown:
7 PM: Feed both girls
7:30-9:30 PM: Avery is wide awake, while Reese is asleep. I try to hold her and interact with her so she'll stay awake, but when Reese wants to sleep, she sleeps.
9:30 PM: Both girls wake up, so I get everything set up in the bedroom and ready for bedtime.
9:30-12 AM: I nurse until they fall asleep, burp them, swaddle them and attempt to lay them down. Within 5 minutes they cry... Repeat, repeat, repeat.
12 AM: Attempt to sleep (but Reese doesn't want that to happen)
12:15-3 AM: Nurse Reese, burp her, soothe her, swaddle her, sing to her, rock her... Repeat, repeat, repeat.
3AM: Avery starts crying, nurse both girls
3:45 AM: Both girls are quiet and in the crib.
3:45-6AM: Sleep
6AM: Both girls wake up
6-6:45 AM: Nurse both girls
6:45-7:30 AM: Attempt to soothe Reese with a pacifier (which lasts 5 minutes and she cries again)
7:30-9AM: Sleep
9AM: Nurse both girls and up for the day.
Twins are exhausting.
Twins makes the tough times even tougher... but I just have to remind myself that it also makes the sweet times even sweeter.
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